They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
