I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
