I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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