FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
