Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
