Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
