I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
