life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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