i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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