just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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