Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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