Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
