I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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