Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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