I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
