she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
