the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
