Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
