Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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