hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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