$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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