Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
