I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
