after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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