I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
