: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that's an acceptable place to lick
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
