I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just want to make out with him forever
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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