I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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