You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
