Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
