Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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