This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
