Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
