im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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