Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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