Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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