Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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