Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
