I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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