It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
