dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
