so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize