I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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