I'm lost and stupid without you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
