So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
