I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
