How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
