Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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