Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sobbing to NWA
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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