Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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