How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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