Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
