please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
