Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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