Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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