the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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