well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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