I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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