I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
