I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
