This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
