I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish you could order shots online.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
