I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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