Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize