Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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