I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
