It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
