Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
