I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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