well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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