So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
