I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
