trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
