Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
