i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
