I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize