i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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