If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
