i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
