Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
