i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
