I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
