Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize