Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
