Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
