just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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