I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
