she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
