White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
