Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
