Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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