I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
pray to the hookup gods
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
