From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
