Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
