I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
