I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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