You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
