dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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