Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found puke in my bra..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
