fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Randomize
