Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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