I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
