then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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