no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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