How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Buhtt sex?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
