i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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