If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
